I imagine that several of my Facebook friends are genuinely confused by the posts I tag my sister in. I skip past all the posts that say, “Share if you have a sister you love” and tag her in every post that says, “Share if you have a brother you love”. To me, she is my sister, my brother and my best friend; but it wasn’t always that way.
Growing up, my step mom seemed intent on pitting my sister and I against one another. She told me that my sister was rebellious, that she was a liar and I felt like she was putting pressure on me to fix my sister. This led to obvious resentment between my sister and myself. We constantly argued and I remember there were times when all my sister had to do was breath and it pissed me off. I think we were close to hating each other.
When we left our other family, the tension continued, I was angry at her, because she left me to deal with our other father and step-mother and the fall out from her decision to stay in Texas with our real mom. I was scared, because she seemed like a different person, a person I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
A moment came when we realized that even though we were among family, we were alone in what had happened to us and we needed each other. She was the only person I could talk to about the pain our other family had inflicted on us. We set aside our differences and worked through our pain together as best as we could.
But it was this movie, The Boondock Saints, that changed everything for us.
I remember the first time we watched it, we were laughing and just in awe by this crazy-ass movie. We loved it so much we watched it again the next day and then everyday that week. After that we set up Boondock Saints’ Sunday and every Sunday we sat together and watched the movie while eating melt-away cookie dough. Those were happy Sundays.
My sister and I bonded over this movie. I think in those two crazy brothers we saw ourselves. We saw two people against the world, two people who chose to do what they thought was the right thing and we saw it all go horribly wrong and horribly right at the same time and then we saw it all turn out okay.
This is what we had done, we had made a decision that we believed to be the right one and one we intended to see all the way through. We had to believe that everything would turn out okay, because in that moment everything was going terribly wrong.
So these two brothers became for us a new identity. We called each other by their names, I was Murphy and she Connor. We spoke to each other in quotes from the movie and when we were scared, we turned to the brothers for courage. We became close, like brothers, and like sisters are supposed to be.
I had lost my sister a long time ago, to anger and resentment. The Boondock Saints gave me my brother and for that I am very grateful.
Connor man, I love you!